Our conversation went something like this:
Justin: Babies are so small. Their fingers and mouths are so small.
Me: Yep, they are. You were small like that once, too.
Justin: My face was so small? And my hands?
Me: Yes, all babies are tiny at first. I didn't get to see you when you were that little, because you were in Russia, but I'm sure you were the cutest little baby ever.
Justin: Mom?
Me: Yes?
Justin: I wish... when I was a baby... I was in your tummy... not in a Russia lady's tummy.
Me: (oh, my heart....) I know sweetie. I wish that too. (Long pause as I try to hold myself together) But God had a different plan for us. An extra special plan, because you are an extra special boy... I love you so much. I'll be your mom forever, okay?
Justin: (looks right at me and nods) Okay.
And I know it is.
---
I've read stories of other women who have had this conversation. I just never knew it would happen to me. And I never knew, how in a split second, my entire heart and soul could fill up with equal amounts of pain and joy.
Pain for Justin, that he lost a relationship with his biological mother. Pain for the woman that will never know what an amazing, AMAZING, son she'll never see grow up. Pain for me, that I missed those first few years of his life. My heart just breaks for everything that's missing.
But somehow... still joy.
Joy that he's our son. Joy that he's ours forever! Joy that this family really was knit together in an extra special way. Joy that God loved us enough to let us be part of something so much bigger than ourselves. Part of a promise. God carried us and comforted us through all of those "missing" years. There is joy in knowing that we can count on nothing less in the days to come.
Not one of all the Lord's good promises to the house of Isreal failed; every one of them was fulfilled. Joshua 21:45
8 comments:
wow that was a tear jerker... he is such an awesome little boy and i have loved getting to know him and love him... this plan God had for your family has become something so great and i'm glad i've been able to be a part of it :)
Hello!
A woman who reads my blog sent me yours when she found a conection between us ... (I have shared about the loss of our son Matthew when I had to deliver him at 5 months after he has already gone HOME to be with the Lord. I also shared about the process God took me through with our newest son, Isaiah, born in April. Both totally about surrender and trust and contentment in knowing the Lord IS in control)
I enjoyed reading this post and aleady feel a kindred connection with you and your family! I will be back!
Michelle
www.theeastmanchronicles.blogspot.com
Such a beautiful moment between mother and son. So grateful that we are able to have these children in our lives. Justin (and Natalie & Lexi) is(are) so blessed to have you as his(their) mom. Hope to see you all in a week or so. Love to you all...
Beautiful as always, Chrystal! Can't stop crying. Its so amazing how God lays out his plans perfectly. What an amazing little boy you have. Love you guys!
Wow...there are no words to descirbe how this entry made me feel. Thank you so much for sharing and for opening your life to us. Praise God and thank you!
Your posts having me laughing hysterically one minute and crying the next! What a great bonding moment for the two of you!
Jeez-is there anything that can cut straight to your heart quicker than that??? Amazing.
My heart fluttered too reading this. Hard conversations, but so precious too.
Good to catch up on you all!
Julie
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