The Family Movie

While we were between trips and waiting on a court date Scott and I compiled some of our first visit pictures and videos into a little slideshow/movie. We actually showed it at the benefit dinner back in May. (As it turned out, we got our court date the next week!)

We brought the dvd with us to Russia when we went to pick up the kids. We watched it together in the hotel and I think we watched it soon after we returned home. However, since then, we haven't played it. Not too long ago, Natalie asked me if we could watch "the family movie." It took me a little while to figure out what she was talking about. Seriously, these kids don't forget anything! Me, on the other hand... I put my cell phone in the fridge yesterday, instead of the cup of milk I was holding... but I digress......

Back to the dvd.... So, we put it in the other day... and they watched it, pretty intently... and I watched them. Sometimes they grinned, sometimes they giggled, sometimes they furrowed their eyebrows, often they looked over at me and said, "Remember!?"

I smiled and nodded. I remember that whirlwind first trip. Siberia in January. Seeing the children for the first time. The fleeting hours in the orphanages. The overwhelming peace I felt, even as I boarded the airplane to fly away.

But then, there's this whole chunk of their lives that I will never know. I don't have the option of remembering. I have some details, of course. I know a little about the birth family. I've walked the halls of their "Russia House" (as they've come to call the orphanage). But I'll never really know how their little hearts felt... how their souls may have hurt... how each of them spent those first precious years. I missed it. And it makes me sad. But it's okay. It's part of the deal when you adopt. Those missing years have led directly to today.

And now, I'm overcome with something else...
I think about the 3 precious children God has blessed me with.
I also think about the little faces we left behind in the other "Russia Houses."
I think about my friends who have suffered the loss of their dear babies.
I think about the many, many women I know who are struggling with infertility... whose hearts ache for a child.
And I think about how easy it is in America for us to throw away our children. I will never, never understand how aborting a child can be celebrated as a choice. I don't get it. So many Family Movies that never get made.