Communication

I'm ready for English.

The kids already know a lot more than we expected. People comment on how surprised they are to hear them speaking so much. In fact, I'd say their English and Russian are about half and half now. The thing is, the English words and phrases they know are limited, so they end up saying the same things, over and over and over and over again... usually getting louder each time. Also, there are still many things we ask of them or want to explain to them, and although we try, we just don't have the language to do it well. Do they understand what we just said, but are being defiant and testing us? Or did they not understand what we just asked? Like when Natalie touched something when I've just said not to? (Um, then touched the same thing 3 more times... )

There's a blessing in all of this. They want to communicate. They want to communicate with US. That's a good thing.

Unfortunately, I'm finding it exhausting. I'm finding myself impatient and easily annoyed. I'm finding myself speaking tersly and being quick tempered. And it frustrates me. I'm frustrated with myself. Their little hearts have endured so much already. I want to be their safest place. Not one who wounds their little souls with my heavy sighs and abrupt words.

So, I'm ready for English. So we can talk about FEELINGS. So we can speak about WHY and HOW, rather than just this surface level of communication.

I'm ready for English, so when I say, "I'm sorry Natalie. Mommy shouldn't have snapped at you today," I know she understands.