2 more days. We need to get home. NEED. Justin is making life so very difficult for everyone, including the hotel room neighbors, the tourists in Red Square... you just never know when he is going to completely lose it. It's BAD.
We're encouraged by your comments though. Thanks Jeremy Park, especially, for reminding us of the perspective we need to have. You're right. And Taseena, you betcha we're trying out the Benadryl today! :)
We're trying to imagine what life is going to look like when we get home. We've read the books, heard from the specialists, and listened to many other adoptive parents who have "been there." We know we need to keep our world pretty small at first. Let the kids learn their new home, learn a routine and hopefully settle into something normal. So there's that side of the coin....
But on the flip side... I miss everyone! I miss Sunday church service and small group. I miss taking the dog on a walk. I miss Target, darn it! :) The idea of being couped up, alone in our house makes me really panicky. Besides, I think the kids need some playmated. Justin especially needs to be reminded that it's okay to share, to take turns, to relax and have fun.
So, I guess we'll play it by ear. I hope the kids will be up for some low key visits.
As far as attachment goes... They are all doing well with recognizing us as their primary caregivers, as mom and dad. In fact, last night, Justin put his arm around me and said, "Moy Mama" then looked at Scott and said "Moy Papa." Isn't that wonderful? Of course, he was screaming 10 minutes later because Natalie touched his rolled up placemat from TGIFridays!
Anyway...attachment... Often strangers will stop and talk to them (restaurants, hotel lobby, etc.) All 3 of the kids seem to show an appropriate amount of hesitancy. When we were at the playground they all seemed to be checking back in with us every few minutes, with a glance or coming back for a touch.
So when it comes to early visits from friends and family and how to interact with them: It's okay to play and talk and give head pats or hand shakes. But for now, it remains important that Scott and I are primarily giving affection, taking care of owies and providing for their needs. This is NOT to say that we don't need or want help. As much as we have needed your encouragement and prayers the last few weeks and months, I know we still need your support.
I better get going. I could have steak and lobster for what this is costing me...
Oh. Steak and lobster........
9 comments:
I pray for you all without ceasing. I know you are getting lots of good advice. But, from what I'm hearing you are doing very well in a very difficult situation. Here is my thought, you have a typical 4,3 & 2 year old. I remember our children at that age had a me first, mine, mine, mine attitude. I also know that kids will test the limits - could it be that Justin, especially, is testing your love, are you going to really protect me, even if I through a screaming fit. The answer is yes, but he may be trying to make sure. And, given the language issues, it can make communicating that hard on Justin's part, as well as, difficult for the two of you to assure him that no matter what, we will always be your Mama and Papa and will always love and protect you.
When you are ready, I will buy you all steak and lobser dinner.
ITGFY. WEL,
Uncle Larry
You two are amazing!!! I do think that alot of what you are going through is typical of any American 4, 3 and 2 year old as well. We stayed in a hotel over the weekend with OUR OWN little American 4 year old and let me tell you.....well, I'll tell you when you get home :) Of course the language barrier is something that I cannot imagine. I can't wait to see you, but I know at first our visits will be short and we will not visit until you are ready. I know that our kids are excited to meet your kids... they look at the pictures on the blog and ask about each one... especially Justin....you're almost home!!! Love, Stacy and Jeramie
Two more days!! I'm sure it still feels like two years. It's been great to read everyone's advice and quite evident that God has given you a great support system. I don't know if you guys have thot about picking up Molly, but if you are ok with it Jay or I can just bring her down whenever you feel it is the best time. Again, there is no hurry she is doing great!! Take care and know that you are all in our thoughts and prayers continually! Love,Janice
Yes...you are almost home! I will continue to pray specifically for peace and relaxation for Justin. A sense that everything in his crazy world will be better and wonderful. Someone said it before...you guys are not only giving the children the gift of parents who love them more than they can imagine but also their heavenly FATHER. Wow, how amazing. I know that by watching your journey it has brought my relationship with God back to where it belongs. Thanks for reminding what true faith is about.
Last night at church the pastor said something that really hit home. WORRY is rehearsing what can go wrong but FAITH is rehearsing what God can do. Look what he has done. Fulfilled his PROMISE to make you parents. Parenting always has it low moments of worry, difficulty and trials, but with God on your side he will get you through.
We will all be here when you are ready for us. We totally understand the need for you guys to establish your home and routine. Just let us know what we can do...trips to the grocery store, errands, anything. Love you!
We think of you so often every day and pray for you even more! Hope the Benadryl works. What a good idea.
What a joy it will be to be home and begin routine play time, bath time, meal time, teaching time, prayer time, and blessed alone time in the quiet of the evening for Scott and Crystal. Children are amazingly resilient and overcome an enormous amount of trauma when they know they are loved and safe. You both are the perfect parents to give these three little angels just that kind of security.
In just about 48 hours you will hear those wonderful words "Welcome to the United States and welcome home." Here you will find support and comfort every day, especially on the days you reach out for it, from all that love you so much.
May God watch over you all through your journey home and in the days to come. Much Love, Uncle Dave & Susan
You can do it! You're almost there. And as Uncle Larry said...they are 4, 3, and 2. Not only are they acting out that way but also testing the waters. They're kids but funny how they know how to do that, no matter what language they speak. It's universal!!!!! And as for the Benadryl...about a 1/2 hr before the plane takes off, give it to them! It not only knocks 'em out but it also helps with the pressure in their ears for take off. Might want to do it before landing also. I will continue to pray for you all and that God continues to give you the strength you need. I completely understand about the couped up thing. The good thing is it is summer. You can take walks to at least get out of the house and help you all not to lose your sanity. It will get easier...until the teenage years!!!!! :D But by then they will have been raised in the ways of the Lord and be a Godly man and Proverbs 31 women!
You're almost home - woohoo! And I can't agree more with what's already been said about age appropriate behaviors. Madeline and Grant are constantly testing limits AND wanting to keep everything for themselves. Bottom line: Normal. We can't wait to see you - we'll respect your need for some privacy and down time. Let us know when you need a visit. We love you guys.
We have been so wrapped up in our own adoption trials that we haven't made time to get updated on your wonderful trip. You're probably home now...I read your posts with tears in my eyes...in remembering what it was like to have a very scared little girl who didn't know English and only knew what it was like to be cared for by female caretakers (and then come in her 6'4', hairy (furry as she says) new dada) - very scary for her. Galya didn't warm to Bart for almost a month...and it broke my heart, my spirit and exhausted me (I'd never been needed 24/7 before). I remember the long and terrible plane rides and waiting in the LAX immigration terminal for them to process our paperwork (HURRY UP - don't you see I have two kids ready to melt down!!!).
Life gets easier (although I must admit - not for a while). You're doing it all perfectly. I'm so impressed at how you've taken your research and instinct and become perfect parents in such a short time.
God knows how strong you are. We are blessed beyond words by the honor of raising such special children. They bring us tremendous joy (despite, or maybe because of the struggles) and the knowledge that we are strong and faithful to His command.
Lean on God, your friends, strangers, people on the street, whomever! You'll make it through.
We'll pray for you...
Michelle, Bart, Galya and Genya
Welcome home! I hope you get settled quickly. I hope that you have a little help when you get home. We are only an hour or so from you guys, so if anything pressing comes up, we'd be more than happy to help in any way we can. Our e-mail is parkjsibe@sbcglobal.net. SoCal has been beautiful lately. Enjoy!
Jeremy
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