Halfway home.... that's how I'm thinking about where we are right now. Yesterday marked the midpoint of our trip.
2 weeks down
2 weeks to go
2 days until we pick up our children
Scott and I were talking today about how we miss home. The thing is, we aren't returning to the same home that we left behind.
I keep getting this overwhelming feeling that NOTHING will ever be the same. Which I know is supposed to be great, right? Nothing ever being the same, means that we finally have our children.
It's hard feeling these 2 things at the same time. Just wanting to be HOME. The home, the life, I know and love. And wanting to hold these children, love them, protect them, laugh with them, tuck them in at night safe and sound.
I know, in my head, that these worlds will combine. I know that these emotions will meld together. People do it all the time, whether biologically or through adoption. I know people do this all the time.
But I've never done it.
11 comments:
Mixed emotions, it means you are truely a parent. I remember being over joyed at being a Dad. At the sametime, wondering what kind of Dad I would be, what would my children grow up to be.
Continue to trust in the Lord, He keeps his promises.
ITGFY. WEL,
Uncle Larry
You will do this Chrystal, God will give you the strength to get throught this adjustment period, there is no easy way to get through it other than to hold onto the Lord and His promises and walk in faith...just like you have been doing all along. I appreciate you and how vulnerable you are...I will be praying for the Lords perfect peace to wash over you as you continue on this journey....
In reading your entry, I couldn't help but remember how I felt the day we brought Abby home. I felt the same overwhelming feeling. You are truly a mother. You are experiencing what every new mom feels. While I remember being scared and unsure and sometimes wishing for how things were before nothing is better than loving your children. Keep that faith and I will continue to pray for peace and rest! Thank you for sharing your feelings during this very emotional time. I love you!
Okay, don't you remember that I couldn't even find time to fold laundry when I brought Blake home from the hospital? You came over and held him and I folded and put away laundry... it took MAYBE a half hour when you were there, but I was so overwhelmed with my new life that I didn't think I could do it. Of course you're nervous, that's to be expected. You are both going to be incredible parents... you already are.... and I am happy to come over and fold your laundry OR hold your children if you need to get some things done! Continuing to pray for you both!!!!! Stacy
Scott and Crystal,
I finally got around to getting caught up on your blog. Vanessa has been reading it and filling me in. That said, you have been in my thoughts and prayers on a daily almost a dailey basis. The mixed emotions stuff is normal. Just ask Vanessa, she will tell you about all of my whining and complaining. Yes you are right things will always be different in your life from now on, but that is the walk of faith that Christ calls us to. We love you guys, and we can't wait for you to get home.
Scott and Chrystal,
As the others have said, this whole feeling of being overwhelmed, uncertain of how it will all look, "mixed" emotions swimming around-- are the most natural, normal feelings you could ever have. Every parent feels that way--sometimes daily. What I love is the God has already been equipping you: stirring questions, dreams, conversations, and many other things that will in fact help you love and parent these 3, chosen for you and you for them. Your hearts are huge and the fact that you recognize the "newness" and change that is ahead is again, a great sign. He has prepared you (and will continue to!) for all that is ahead. Know that the prayers of MANY are surrounding your precious family. WOW...I can't wait till Saturday and that first family photo!!!!!
He chose you, even when you don't understand how or why. And even amidst the chaos and mixed feelings at times, you are exactly where He wants you to be. Keep being honest with yourself. The Lord is always there to meet you right where you are.
I am in the midst of that overwhelming feeling. I look around and there are so many things to get done and so many things that I would like to go out and do but there is this little one who looks at me with these big blue eyes and smiles and all those "things" disappear. This is what God has called me to be...a mommy and this is what God has called you to be...a mommy. There are times (like 2am during a feeding) that I would like nothing more than to go back to my old life but then I look down and there are those big blue eyes looking back at me. We have to die to that old self and become the new thing that Christ has called us to be. This is the path that He has laid out for you. It will be hard and it will stretch you and Scott individually and as a couple but I am CONSTANTLY reminded that God will never give us more than we can handle. You CAN do this despite the crazy emotions running thru you. Keep your eyes focused on God, your husband, and your kids. You were created "for such a time as this"!
I think the biggest thing of becoming a parent is the 'unknowing'.. that feeling of uncertainty. Only the Lord knows what is to become in these next few weeks and though it seems as if he is handing you a basket of huge tasks, just remember, he gives us what we can handle.. nothing more, nothing less. I was young when I had my first child.. my husband & I had no idea what we had gotten ourselves into ! But as each day passed, things became easier... the life as we knew it, ceased to exist and soon it was like clock work... he gave us strength when we felt utterly drained. I look at my children now and though we've had some tough times, we've gotten through it by the grace of God. He has blessed my family in ways I can not explain. He will also do so with your family Crystal. You are both being given such a beautiful gift.. the gift of being a parent. This is something that is so rewarding in itself... and though I don't know either of you personally.. only through that short conversation I held with Scott a few weeks back, I feel that you both are ready for the challenge.. you will make wonderful parents... God Bless you !
I just read a whole week's worth of your blog, and I had tears in my eyes almost the whole time. This is what God's called you to do and to be and He will carry you through it. I am amazed at all of it. Someday these children will know YOU are their Mommy and Daddy and nothing will heal their hearts more. I love you guys and pray for strength for the rest of your journey!
I just read a whole week's worth of your blog, and I had tears in my eyes almost the whole time. This is what God's called you to do and to be and He will carry you through it. I am amazed at all of it. Someday these children will know YOU are their Mommy and Daddy and nothing will heal their hearts more. I love you guys and pray for strength for the rest of your journey!
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